So.. What?

So. Now What.
Happy Fucking December. My hair hasn't fallen out, but now I realize I have to fucking deal with Christmas. Poor Brad. He asked me what I am planning on doing... I don't know. I love his family. But they aren't my family (thank god). Fuck.
Fuck
Fuck
I hate the whole buying presents. I hate it. What about respect, what about treating people with kindness. I always do, 9 times out of 10, unless someone is not nice to me.
I fucking hate this time of year. I hate it. I hate it. It makes me feel so sad that I can't even quantify it. It reminds me of everything I have lost. For 11 months of the year, year after year, I can pretend I don't come from anywhere, that I have no family, like some alien dropped on the face of the earth. Fucking December. Fuckit.
I am no fucking shape to deal with this.
I love Brad. I love his family. I hate Christmas.
FUCK