hmphh

My rabbit hates me and rightfully so. I fostered the two other school rabbits over spring break and it really stressed her out. Now she is hiding behind her little bin instead of chilling in it. I don't blame her. I was selfish and wanted to take the other rabbits, because I love Gantor and I thought that BunBun wouldn't mind. She did mind and I could tell right away, but I jumped into something that I didn't think through. I cannot see the hand in front of my face. I feel like I just want to crawl into a ball and stay there, so the things that I touch don't turn to shit. I know a lot of this is my depression. I just learned that my depression could very well be due to the fact that I have VERY low iron (almost anemic) and part of that could be because I don't absorb B12, well when I think back, I used to eat dirt when I was a young child, and that could be "pica" which is a sign of low iron. I really think that my depression, weight gain, sleep problems, irritability could all be due to my low iron/malabsorption of B12. WHY on earth did it take so long to see this? One - It is impossible to find a Dr. in Alberta. Two - I believe that my family overlooked most of the things that may have been distasteful to them. Three - I was used to overlooking things and believing I was healthy when in fact it took my whole life falling apart for this to come to light.
I look forward to making changes. I am so sad I have wasted this much time being so utterly hopeless and utterly depressed.
I feel like I have lost myself.
I am angrier with my family than I have EVER been. EVER.
I do not want to become the person that goes around blaming them for my shitty life and I don't blame them, I blame myself. I DO blame them for trying to make me think for one MINUTE that I actually deserved a shitty life.
I now openly dedicate my life going forward to being who I lost, who I know that I am. Proud, Strong, Kind, Loving, Compassionate, Loveable, Fun, Energetic and HOPEFUL.